The Groom’s Speech

This is my friend’s speech he recently made as Groom:

My gorgeous bride and I, would like to thank you all for coming
To watch our vows, to sing the hymns, which I’m sure most of us were humming.

To see us both declare our love, at this our wedding mass
And witness lucky Englishman wed lovely Irish lass.

Pearls sister Grace and my friend Chris, brought Pearl and I together
Through a camping trip, a tent shortage, red wine and some cold weather.

We’re both grateful for their match-making, it’s as though they had it planned
They say, they knew we both loved ‘Beatles’, not the insects, but the band

So to Chris and Grace we’d like to say, you were both in the know
When you invited us to pup our tents with you 6 years ago.

And now I’d like to say a big thank you, to Maureen, Pearls mum
For giving away her daughter, and making me a son

I promise to look after Pearl, to honour and obey
Pearl told me to write that last bit so it’s started straight away.

Our thanks go out to Kevin, for being my best man
It’s so hard to plan a wedding when you’re living in San Fran

So we thank him for his sterling work and everything he’s done
And remind him for his best man speech, that I can legally buy a gun.

Thank you to the bridesmaids Federica, Rachel, Grace
For dolling up so beautifully and keeping train in place

Our thanks to my dad and Maureen, and all the family that are here
To make this day so special and to share our wedding cheer (that should say beer)

We thank our friends for coming, but my biggest thanks must be
To my gorgeous bride, my lovely Pearl who agreed to marry me.

I looked up the word ‘wedding’, in a dictionary, it said
“Removal of small unwanted plants, from lawns and flower beds”

But I think that it’s much more than that, it’s about the love we share
And the friends that came to witness it and show us that they care

As an atheist I don’t believe in purgatory or heaven
But as I proposed in Sidmouth, this is a marriage made in Devon

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